Today in a client’ session I heard myself say: A happy relationship with your partner might be your goal but it is not the purpose of (relationship) life. Let me explain.
The journey that counts
The famous quote “It’s not the destination but the journey that counts” leaves some questions unanswered:
- What is on the journey?
- What specifically counts as part of the journey
- What does it really mean?
Quotes are nice but often leave a lot to personal interpretation. Let’s have a look at that quote in relation to your relationship life.
Whether intimate, casual or relationships with siblings, parents, friends, colleagues, or employers – relationship are seldom easy. Even the best of friends struggle with each other, have misunderstandings or fights.
This is normal and to be expected.
Relationships, and specifically the closer they are, have the potential within themselves to trigger and bring up any unresolved issues.
On your journey with relationship you will encounter struggles, sooner or later, if you are not just leaving any relationship before it gets close enough.
You see Mum and Dad
“Whatever you do, where ever you go, you see Mum and Dad and they see you.” This quotes describes transference we deal with in life on a daily basis. The person you meet might remind you of your mother or father, consciously or unconsciously and you are challenged with similar topics to those of your relationship with mother or father.
You receive the chance to finish up the business you still have open (=left unfinished) between you. These are the stops along your relationship life, which will allow you to grow personally, no matter who you are in relationship with and learning the lesson.
What’s the connection between relationships and the purpose of life?
In intimate relationship, specifically with the person we feel closest, we want to be happy, understood, seen, appreciated, nurtured, loved, admired, listened to… basically have the our needs met. The goal might be this ultimate relationship. The purpose however is that the same. The purpose of your intimate relationship is to heal those wounds that have been left unattained. To become aware of them, we are triggering each other’s sore points (=wounds), mostly without mal-intent or conscious knowledge.
Wounds you will encounter
There are only a few basic wounds or topic that the issues you’re facing will fall under:
- Betrayal (of trust)
Some of those five wounds will interact or be experienced in combination.
In fact, it does not even really matter who you are relating to. If you can embrace the purpose of learning and growing while relating, any relationship will make a lot more sense.